Michael Jackson has been in the news lately. Mostly for the anniversary of his album “Thriller” being released. Sorry but…(yawn)
Here is something way more interesting if you ask me.
In 1990 the Video Game Company Sega made a video game called “Michael Jackson’s Moonwalker”
You’re not going to believe the object of this game…well yes you will. MOONWALKER
Let me give you the highlights.
Wacko Jacko is all about saving children from an evil drug dealer named “Mr Big” who, for absolutely NO REASON kidnaps young children. (cough!)
Anyway, through his “dance powers” he (you) saves the children from the clutches of a Perverted Rich Manipulative Megalomaniac! (ha-ha-ha)
I know that in the ancient times of the 1990’s technology wasn’t very sophisticated. Still, you have to know people close to this project had to be shaking their heads.
Wiki says after the child molestation charges were made against Wack Jacko they quickly dropped the idea of making a sequel to the game. Not long after that Sega was to die an impending death as a Video Game hardware provider. (poor choices in game development maybe?)
Still….what could have been the premise of that video game sequel???
“Michael Jackson’s Moonwalker II”
Level one…..Michael has to find a way to explain why he put vodka in the kids kool-aid? (Bonus level get plastic surgery)
Level two….Michael does battle with the Santa Barbara Police Dept. (Extra points, get a 5th nose job)
Level three…Michael goes to Las Vegas and spends the night with a local chapter of Cub Scouts and the White Tigers that mauled
Roy of Siegfried & Roy…this level is rated “M” for mature. ( Bonus Points get your anus bleached to match the rest of your now white skin)
Level four…Michael does battle with the paparazzi while tossing babies over the railing of a hotel balcony.
Level five…Lisa Presley appears and poses problems for the self-proclaimed “King of POP” by confessing he kisses like a girl. (Extra points get Lisa Presley to marry Nicholas Cage for an hour then get her plastic surgery)
Level six…you have to find the tell tale markings on his genitals that were admissible in court and find “Waldo” in the same photos. (and then some more plastic surgery)
Level seven…you have to kill a large “Jabba the Hut like Monster” who has the head of Latoya Jackson. (this is the most fun of the whole fucking game)
Level eight….you disappear for awhile but have more plastic surgery.
Level nine…you piss off Paul McCartney by reminding him you own all the Beatles early music catalog by letting some stupid product use an early classic Beatle tune to sell some item destined for a landfill near you.
Level ten…you become Michael Jackson and turn down sex with a drunk Elizabeth Taylor. Then as bonus you become more involved with her charity for neglected children. Also, during this level you interview kids that have scum bag parents, you get them to sleep over at “Neverland Ranch” while their children are taken into the secret dungeon located in Michael Jackson’s bedroom.
Here is where you win the game. (if you reached level 10 you were automatically contacted by MJ’s people for an interview, if you were under the age of 13 the interview process was done in private…beverages provided, sleep over required.)
btw…the artist who did the rendering for the cover of the video game, had to be told “Do a pic of MJ as if he were a White Woman who had a Lazy Eye and the chin of Kirk Douglas (go back and look it’s hilarious-NO, I didn’t photoshop it I swear)
